A Web In My Life
Time is tricky, to be almost exact, around 4,300 days of time, over 103,000 hours, and the majority of that was a lingering off and on thought that someone hated me. Time, right? Now it wasn’t all bad, and I didn’t keep count of the moments in my head, but from that large number it looks chaotic and rather terrifying. But, if you can add in other relationships, time eating pizza, new places to live, new nephews and nieces, lost jobs, new jobs, time alone, time being loved, and time hurting. I would say it’s about right. I think of it as a web, cast out into all our lives. Each strand is a different moment, some good and some bad. I would love to see my web and how it’s grown, with empty spots chewed and torn out of it.
The last time I talked with someone I cared about, at a very young age, it was thousands of days ago. Oh, how I’ve changed, as did she. I’m overwhelmed with time and the thought of it looking back. That somehow in the mix of living and life moments, we both somehow managed to believe the other would never exist again in our lifetime, that the regret and punishing ideology of hate towards one another would halo around our thoughts from time to time. Once long I ago I decided to love this person. Time cast out it’s web and we were separated over a distance of seven states, ten if you want to travel that way on a map, but why take the scenic route through Louisiana, when you could just get to the point. Over that time we saw one another, but distance and time are enemies, never wanting to work together. So, it ended, and here we are now. Around 4,200 days ago I was happy and felt like the luckiest person who has ever walked the earth. If you only knew! Then just a day later, gone, and time grabbed ahold of both of us and spun its web in different live directions. It’s been over a decade since I heard from her. Time, right? Yet, again, we both ended up believing differently and the same, but both wrong.
I guess in a way time does heal all wounds, I never believed it until just very recently. That though we all live and live differently, time keeps its pace, spinning that web around our bodies, wrapping us tight over time, and eventually sucking the life out of us. I put my faith in time now, not any god or spiritual journey, just time. It’s funny to think I may read this back in another 4,300 days, slightly grayer hair, hopefully still in shape, and hopefully still talking to this same person. There is no romance, but a lingering eagerness to see her, as I hope it’s the same for her, to get know each other as grown adults, aged and seasoned enough to have a good conversation openly about how life was back then, and what’s in store next. It makes me smile honestly, the thought of it, getting to know a demon from my past, that was an angel all along.
How it started.
I’ve always loved snow storms, especially in Arizona. When news caught wind of me that the big storm was tonight, I was eager to be the first downtown. Downtown Prescott is a pretty place, a large courthouse square with trees and shops. When a storm hits it, it’s incredible. I got off work at a pizzeria and against others wishes I drove the 9 or so miles of highway in the stormy snowy weather. I remember I couldn’t see shit, but I had a strong inclination to be at home in Prescott, to play in the snow with my friends. I waited a few hours when I got home, trying to get certain friends to go out, they wouldn’t, claiming they were stuck in the snow, goddamn useless friends. So, as I put on my snow clothes and was ready to venture out the door, my roommate came home, a kind and crazy type of guy. Luckily, he was game to join in the 8-block trek to the center of town. So, there we were in the thick of it walking.
Snow and wind blasted us, but we kept moving forward. Day 13: It’s been over a week since our long trek to the courthouse, I don’t believe Jesse will make it, for he can’t lite his cigarette in the wet wind. We kept walking, a block further. Day:35, our expedition seems pointless, we are lost and cold and hungry. Please send help. We talked like this for the whole fifteen minutes it took to walk to an empty downtown. We threw snowballs at the street signs and walked around, everything seemed to be closed with nobody around. In the back of my mind, or I could be making this up, but I don’t believe I am, there was a girl with blonde dreads and a killer body and look to her that worked at a Video Store. I would see her time to time, and never say a word, but attempt to look at her as long as possible before she would vanish. Total crush status. Luckily, somehow in my mind I was going to see her tonight, wishing and hoping. Well, hopes are one thing, and nobody was out. Damn. But, in the distance while throwing snowballs I saw two figures and a dog. I don’t remember if we asked them to join, but I remember somehow we all started to play in the snow. It was her, and I was trying to show her my fun side by of course, the best way I know how, acting like a complete idiot.
So out in the cold snow, in the dark of evening we played. I remember running and then something felt like it jumped out and bit me, total Forrest Gump style, but instead of a bullet, it was her dog. My first dog attack was from a dog in a snow storm, and the owner was that girl. It was amazing, but also hurt like hell. It was out of a movie, to me. So eventually we all get to cold, and I forget if I attempted to ask her out, but most likely I just kicked myself in the ass walking home with my friend. Day 45: we’re almost home, but I’m afraid Jesse isn’t going to make it, he is out of breath. When I got home I check out the burning bite mark on my thigh, it’s a nasty little bite. So, what do I do? I go to the video store and use it as an excuse, telling this girl, the least she could do was go out with me on a date. I forget the details, but I know I was nervous, and I know I made an ass out of myself. Lucky me, it worked, and the rest is history.”